A wormhole friended me

It was yesterday morning. As I was taking a walk heading to Axon terminal through a tunnel, I heard a quiet voice whispering my name. I had just arrived by the Node of Ranvier, singing die forelle by Franz Schubert while wondering why two guys were fighting around Axon Hillock three blocks behind me. Below is how the conversation went:

Wormhole: “Pssss! Hey, can I swallow you? I can show you the past.”

Me: “Absolutely no. Who are you?”

Wormhole: “I’m a traversable wormhole”

Me: “Seriously? I can see a Schwarzschild tag on your shirt. You are an Einstein-Rosen bridge, aren’t you? ”

Wormhole: “Hold on, before you start going all judgmental, maybe you should ask me where I got this shirt.”

Me: “Alright, tell me. Where did you get it from?”

Wormhole: “It was my brother. As soon as he was born, he started getting fat, you know, like expanding at the speed of light. When he started consuming particles, these wanted to get to the other side, but light is just fast. Let’s just say he was unstable. Before the worst happens, he gave me this shirt as his last gift.”

Me: “Ohh, I’m very sorry. Don’t tell me you are a traversable wormhole”

Wormhole: “Yeap”

Me: “Seriously? But you are not supposed to exist naturally. We’ve been looking for natural cosmological processes that allow for your existence, but it always results in a violation of our cosmic constitution.”

Wormhole: “Sigh! I’ll tell you. I have time.”

Me: “Lol. That’s funny”

As the wormhole did not appreciate my sense of humor, he decided to sit and have a talk with me.

Wormhole: “Stop joking. Otherwise, I may as well go somewhere else.”

Me: “Alright, tell me everything.”

Wormhole: “It all started when … wait wait. You said for me to exist you guys have to violate the cosmic constitution? Which law exactly?”

Me: “Causality law for instance. You know, a closed timelike curve (CTC) allows a particle to return to the starting timelike point in Lorentzian spacetime. This implies that the future of that particle can be located in its past. However, in relativity, cause-effect are timelike while causality requires cause to proceed effect. Therefore, CTC is considered a fugitive.”

Wormhole: “In that case, my mouth here, when put to enormous gravity that enables it to accelerate with respect to my, well, let’s call it opposite mouth, that opposite mouth will be in different “time” than this mouth here.”

Me: “But I can’t do that without CTC’s help”

Wormhole: “Not if  my mouth and my other mouth are spacelike separated because in such a case, there won’t be any immediate causal connection between them.”

Me: “Interesting. Can I jump in your mouth?”

As the wormhole started opening its mouth wide, another question struck my mind.

Me: “Wait!”

Wormhole: “What? You are starting to piss me off. You don’t trust me?”

Me: “I do, it’s just that…”

Wormhole: “Just what? You don’t wanna visit the bronze age? It’s written everywhere that you love that time period.”

Me: “Weird! But, it’s just this other law”

Wormhole: “Which one?”

Me: “The law of conservation of energy at each timepoint, and I don’t wanna be a fugitive.”

Wormhole: “I see. Don’t worry, I will pay the fine. It’s just your angular momentum I suppose.”

Me: “I guess you are rich. You are a bit famous for the no-hair theorem.”

Wormhole: “Alright. Let’s do this.”

As the wormhole started opening its mouth while activating a strong gravitational field, I started approaching, excited and ready to see the bronze age. When I approached, I hesitated given another query in my mind.

Me: “Wait, one more question”

Wormhole: “I swear I’m gonna break you down to the plank length”

Me: “Seriously, can you do that? Are you able to break me using gravitational force while I travel?”

Wormhole: “Oops! I never should have said that. Let’s just say don’t stay in longer and if you move sufficiently fast, you will see a negative matter-energy density. My dad told me, but I’m not sure.”

Me: “And you didn’t think it was important to tell me that before I was about to disgustingly enter your mouth?”

Wormhole: “My bad. But it’s still theoretical.”

Me: “I should have known. Never trust someone with a big mouth”

Wormhole: “Damn! That’s dark”

Me: “With white as your other mouth, ha ha!

Wormhole: “You really are very rude. But trust me, no more surprises. No Hubble expansion. No cosmological redshift.”

Me: “I need to trust you. Open your pockets”

Wormhole: “Excuse me”

Me: “You heard me”

Wormhole: “Alright, but this is totally unnecessary”

I started checking the wormhole’s pockets, just to be sure he did not have dark plans against me.


“What’s this?”, I asked.

Wormhole: “Exotic matter. It’s like how you can’t exist without oxygen. I need it to exist.”

Me: “Hmm, so if I were to destroy it you die?

Wormhole: “More or less. But don’t destroy it please.”

Me: “Don’t worry, I’m not a bad guy. Keep it.”

Wormhole: “Thank you. By the way fuck you!”

Me: “What?”

Wormhole: “You have wasted my time and treated me like shit.”

Me: “Sorry Mr Wormhole. It’s just like, the first time I’m seeing you”

Wormhole: “Not my problem. Go to hell. Bye!

Me: “No, don’t go. I need you”

Wormhole: “Byyeeee!!”

Me: “Nooooooooo!”

As I was frustrated because my ego sent my new friend away, I started punching walls. I was punching them hard that my surrounding started collapsing, and I started seeing a lot of dead bees around me. Everything seems fragile, like 6 years old or so. With no idea what was going on, I started running until I fell into a giant hole. As I was screaming, I felt alive and dead at the same time, with cats everywhere.

Stay tuned! I will tell you the following part soon.


1 Comment

  1. Johannes Libra says:

    I like the writing style. Very interesting to read!

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